It's arrived.

[halocentury.livejournal.com]

Title: No Regrets (2/3)
Author: Jen (starhespera)
Rating: PG-13 (for insinuation of sexual activities and some language)
Summary: A continuation of 'A Matter of Identity.' After meeting with Dr. Chase Ben and Riley have a disastrous conversation about the night before - or was it?
Author's Notes: Finally bought the DVD so this should be spot on with the few movie references I incorporated (should being the key word). If anyone spots anything off please point it out to me. It will be greatly appreciated. Also noted, this chapter wound up being a couple of pages longer. Oh yes, and my apologies for the delay of the chapter. My bad.



Under most circumstances Riley didn’t appreciate silences. He enjoyed talking even if most people didn’t enjoy listening to him. If and when it was quiet he would listen to music. Riley wasn’t rude as to take away the peace and quiet should other people want it, he could sacrifice his need for sound for another person’s silence. Right about now he was desperately waiting for Ben to fall silent so that he could get a word in. However Ben must have sensed that he was not going to discuss the advantages or possible procedures of stealing the Declaration of Independence. What Riley wanted to discuss was what happened the in the doctor’s office and the night before.

They had to talk. He wasn’t going to apologise, he wasn’t ashamed of what he did to Ben. Yes they were friends and yes, it was a surprise but this could be his chance. Riley considered him attractive from the first time he saw him on his lunch break. When they met a few days later that attraction became a full out crush but Riley struggled to keep his feelings in check since they were working together. He had seen many an office relationship explode outward, taking out everything in its path. But having a series of clues that drew them closer to historical treasure meant that their work was nearly done. Once the work was officially out of the way he could give romance a try.

If Ben was up for it.

The banter of “It’s impossible” and “It’s possible” finally came to a stand-still, the only conversation currently taking place in front of the monument now coming from tourists passing them by. Riley took the lull as a chance to change the conversation. “Ben-”

Ben’s sixth sense kicked in and he shot Riley an eyeful of warning.

The words faltered on Riley’s lips. Fine, if this man was set on talking about work then Riley would continue with his lead. “Let me prove it to you.”

Afterwards he would talk about chances.

**

He should know how Ben’s mind worked, having worked alongside him the past month but Ben continued to amaze Riley. How long did it take him to learn about the preservation room? Was he making his final plans while they spoke with the doctor? Riley narrowed his eyes behind his glasses as if concentrating hard enough he’d come up with answers.

“This is going to require a good deal of foot work and prep time,” Riley pointed out as he stood before the photocopier, feeding more change into the machine. He wasn’t quite sure how he wound up paying for all the photocopies but he figured it was the least he could do.

“That’s why we’ll need to start first thing tomorrow morning,” Ben said as he collected the papers. “I’ll phone my dad again about the Silence letters, if he hasn’t phoned my place already.”

“So we’re calling it a day then?” At getting a nod in response Riley ducked his head, pretending to study the last page he needed to photocopy. He waited a few seconds, acting cool and calm, before putting the book on the scanner. “Do you want to grab something to eat?”

“Riley.” The reproving tone told Riley what he would have seen if his attention was on Ben, a firm expression of disapproval.

“Are you planning on acting like last night never happened?” Riley scolded as he turned to face Ben.

Ben didn’t look at him, busying himself with stapling the papers together. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Look at me when you say that,” Riley ordered. When Ben didn’t Riley grabbed the stapler, gesturing to Ben’s chest in a way to get his attention. It got his attention alright, more for the fact that Ben looked alarmed that he was about to get stapled. Riley stopped his hand but held the stapler level. “Paul Brown, Bill – you know exactly what I mean. I saw the way you looked at me when I introduced myself as Bill. That was recognition.”

“That was surprise,” Ben defended in a sure lie. “You don’t have to make up an alias but I do. I told you already, my name doesn’t get much respect around historians.”

“And out of all the names you could have used you came up with Paul Brown?” Riley crossed his arms and studied Ben intently. “I don’t believe you.”

“It was the first name that crossed my mind.”

“And why was that?” The shift of Ben’s body away from him provoked a twinge of irritation. This was supposed to be the man who believed in things no one else believed in, the man of myth and legend amongst a sea of people who wanted hard evidence. The evidence was clear and yet Ben refused to see it, let alone believe it. “Ben, last night I was Paul Brown and I know that you are Bill.”

“No, you’re Bill,” Ben said.

“Today I was but last night you were Bill. I know because last night we chatted on-line, we just didn’t know it until today.” Riley cocked his head slightly as that mask of iron resolve slid a fraction of an inch, showing a weary eye from Ben’s profile. “You regret it.” The slump in Ben’s shoulders confirmed Riley’s biggest fear. “Do you regret what you did or that it was me?”

An awkward silence stretched between them. He didn’t want to force Ben to answer but waiting wasn’t all that enjoyable either. Riley heard a faint whisper of a single word, a word that sounded very much like ‘both.’ The verbal blow could have easily been a punch to his nose. Riley staggered a step backwards, blinking back a stinging sensation from his eyes.

‘And you couldn’t have just stayed quiet like your wise friend?’ his mind asked.

‘I needed to know. I wanted to have a chance with him,’ his heart answered brokenly.

“I never should have asked,” Riley muttered to himself as he shoved the rest of his change into his pocket.

“You’re still going to help me with this job, right?” Ben asked. Riley wasn’t fast enough to conceal his uncertainty. “You can’t back out now, you agreed.”

“I’m not going to turn you in if you’re worried about that. If I help you, well, I need time to decide,” Riley said, giving the other man a sympathetic smile. “Besides, hasn’t Ian always said I’m a hindrance? He was obviously onto something.”

“You were a lot better then him in getting the location of the Charlotte. I need your help in getting the Declaration,” Ben pointed out. Whatever discomfort he had with their relationship was apparently insignificant in comparison to his dream for he neared the younger man, giving him his most beseeching look. “Please Riley.”

“I’ll supply the hardware and do the prep-work but I can’t be there,” Riley explained, struggling to hold his ground. He knew he couldn’t help Ben, be beside him without his feelings getting in the way. “You’ve never needed me, it’s always been you. You know the clues and the story more then everyone else combined.”

“That’s not true.”

“Look, it’s getting late. I need to get organised for tomorrow so I’m going to head home. I’ll do everything I can to help so technically I’m still behind you. I just won’t be with you,” Riley explained, trying to be supportive. He gave a small smile before turning around to leave.

He tightened his arms at his sides, trying to keep a natural air despite the ache of misery in his gut. He didn’t know if Ben was watching him leave, he wasn’t going to look. If this was the way Ben felt then he wasn’t going to push him to feel otherwise.

**

Riley silently recited the words in his head, preparing himself for dropping off the last of the equipment with Ben. He made the final turn of the stairwell that led to Ben’s apartment and trekked up the last flight of steps. He had to be ready for this, he had to stay firm. Ben had left many messages on his voice mail, asking him to reconsider. After the first three messages the messages became pleas but Riley ignored them all. He just couldn’t do it.

Exiting the stairwell he headed to Ben’s apartment. Adjusting the strap of his knapsack on his shoulder Riley knocked on the door. The door, not latched shut entirely, inched free and swung inwards. He glanced in both directions of the hall before leaning into the doorway. “Ben?” Riley called. No sound came from within. Assuring himself that he could just leave the equipment along with a note Riley stepped inside.

He had been inside Ben’s apartment before on a couple occasions. Minimally furnished but still comfortable the place was half-home, half-office. Riley thought the apartment was interesting, more specifically the artefacts that Ben had found over the years. Riley had heard of their stories, tried to remember everything Ben had told him but only remembered a few details about each item.

He eased his sack off his back, setting it down carefully on the couch as he crossed to the work room. He parted the plastic tarp that was being used as a curtain. On the table sat a yellowish liquid mixture in a cup and a couple of paint brushes. Riley picked up the cup and gave a quick sniff. “Definitely not lemonade.”

“It’s for Dr. Chase’s coin.” The cup jostled in Riley’s grasp, liquid splashing over onto his fingers, when he heard Ben. He turned in the direction of his voice. The wry smile on Ben’s face caused Riley’s stomach to flutter pleasantly against his wishes. “I just got back from mailing it.”

“Your door was open,” Riley defended. Luckily his voice didn’t crack when Ben took the cup from his hand. “I was looking for paper to write a note on. I was dropping off the equipment you’ll need for the gala.”

“You mean you aren’t going to be there?”

Ben’s voice spoke volumes of disappointment even though he didn’t raise his voice. Riley squirmed on the inside, guilt eating away at him. ‘He isn’t asking for much, just a helping hand,’ Riley reasoned to himself. But at the same time he wasn’t asking for much either. He didn’t want to be treated like a work partner; he wanted to be treated like a friend. If he was really honest with himself he wanted to be loved but he could settle for friendship.

“No,” Riley replied at last, ducking his head to avoid looking at Ben’s face, fearing the anger that might be there. Riley brushed past him, leaving the work room to sit down at the couch. He sorted through his sack, pulling the equipment out.

“What do you want?”

Riley looked up, glancing around the apartment before locating Ben in the open kitchen. He was dumping the solution down the sink but was watching him at the same time. Riley smiled self-consciously, knowing what he wanted to say but that answer would get him thrown out. “What I want is to be treated like I’m not some dirty little secret. I know you told me that you aren’t… proud of what you did. I’m not asking you to tell all but I just want to be your friend again; not a secret or a work associate but… a friend.”

“So if I did you’d come – no, don’t answer that,” Ben said, rushing to cover his mistake.

Riley swallowed his laughter down while shaking his head. He could feel himself relaxing as a small smile crept onto Ben’s face. “Besides the obvious, what do you want?” Riley asked.

“I’ve already gotten it. I wanted you to stop ignoring me,” Ben explained. Having finished in the kitchen he strolled out to the seating area that fanned around the television where Riley was busy. “This isn’t one of your jokes, is it?”

“I’m done with ignoring you, as long as you’re done harassing me,” Riley assured him. There was a sparkle of mirth in his eyes, a sign that all was forgiven. “How about I show you what all this does? You’re going to be using this after all.”

“Do I need to remind you that I phoned you when my building’s power breaker went down? I needed you to reprogram my television, VCR and DVD,” Ben pointed out.

“I forgot about that.”

“Forgot? You reminded me of the incident last week. Ian called me pathetic and called you a geek.”

“And I called him a ponce. Not that I know what a ponce is – it just sounded good at the time,” Riley mentioned. He grinned at the memory but caught himself when he realised Ben had distracted him. “Alright, reflection time is over. Now it’s lesson time.”

Ben eyed the equipment laid out on the couch with heavy suspicion. Riley’s lips were starting to hurt from the restraint of holding back a smirk. He suspected that Ben would rather have his teeth removed then learn how to handle the items. “Is this going to take a long time?” Ben asked warily.

Riley’s smirk won out in the end. “Most likely.”

He watched as Ben blinked in what would become his first fit of frustration for the night. “I was going to order some dinner. Does Chinese sound good to you?””

Diversion number two was now thrown into the mix. “Yes but I expect you to be back in five minutes or the teacher will be forced to give you a detention,” Riley replied in mock seriousness.

“What if I skip detention?” Ben asked as he returned to the kitchen.

“Do not push teacher,” Riley warned. The only answer he got was the sound of Ben placing a delivery order from his kitchen phone. He listened for a couple of seconds before looking over his things, deciding which one he’d introduce to Ben first.

**

“Pay attention!” It was a good thing he never went into teaching. While he enjoyed sharing his knowledge with those who were interested uninterested people just left him annoyed. Riley was trying to explain how the handheld scanner had to get connected for the fifth time but Ben just wasn’t getting it. “How is it you can relay the significance of any single date but can’t figure out how to connect one device?”

“Because I know dates and you know connection… cords,” Ben pointed out, holding the offending cord between forefinger and thumb.

“Ports, they’re called ports,” Riley corrected. His head shouldn’t be aching but it was. He picked up his paper plate from the end table and used chopsticks to put a clump of rice in his mouth. “If you’re going to insult my expertise at least get the terms right.”

“Are you a vegetarian?”

Riley glanced aside to Ben, irritation replaced by suspended belief. “Always have been,” he replied after her finished a mouthful of carrot. “Have you just realised this now?”

“I guess I have.” Riley was pleased to hear the surprised tone to Ben’s voice. He wasn’t the only one to find this shocking. “We’ve eaten together enough that I should have noticed.”

“I’ll pretend you’re more riveted by our intelligent conversations then my eating habits,” Riley commented.

“What’s there to pretend about?”

“Smart answer.” Riley set down his chopsticks and plate, licking the lingering flavour off his lips before returning to the scanner that continued to evade Ben’s common sense. “Now-”

“Riley, I’m never going to figure out how to use your scanner,” Ben interjected.

“It’s easy!”

“For you, but not for me. Face it, I will never understand computer accessories and programs, just like you’ll never know history,” Ben pointed out.

That was another smart answer. Even though Riley wanted to argue that he knew some history it was only a smudge in comparison to Ben’s vast knowledge. Despite all the time Ben had invested in him he was unable to get him to remember any of his history lessons. What ever gave Riley the idea that he could teach Ben computers?

‘Swallow your pride Poole,’ his brain scolded.

Pressing his lips together in a tight line he let his chest deflate with a sigh. “You are hopeless. Mind you I’m no better, about to entrust you with all my belongings,” Riley said. He shook his head. “I take it all back. You won’t be using these for your… rescue mission.”

“Riley, I need these things to protect the Declaration..”

Riley couldn’t keep a straight face for long. His mouth twitched into a smile. “You could leave me in the van with my laptop.” Ben’s not quite irritated expression panned out into a questioning one with hints of impatience. “If everything is still hooked up to the van and my lap top, as it should be, then I can work the job with you.”

Ben’s rigid posture suddenly went lax; he shot a Riley a final glare before letting his head fall back against the couch. “I can’t believe this. I do but…” He closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly. “I was about to stab you with your chopsticks. Do – not – do that to me – again.”

“Death by chop suey. Would they actually write that on the coroner’s report?” Riley asked. He avidly watched the stretched out body but mentally instructed himself not to touch.

The thought apparently didn’t cross Ben’s mind for he dropped his arm along the top of the couch and incidentally let his hand slide onto Riley’s shoulder. “The slivers from the chop sticks will contradict that theory,” Ben pointed out.

Riley didn’t hear Ben’s words as his whole body was focusing on the touch. It sent a pleasant shudder of sensation through his arms and shoulders, concentrating around his neck to leave him slightly light-headed. The hand remained warm and firm, not recoiling even when Ben realised what he had done. Quietly Riley closed his eyes and just felt; he embraced the moment, believing that they did love one another and that he wasn’t just a victim of a one-sided crush.

The moment transformed into something more when he felt lips brush against his. His eyes flashed open but the lips were gone. With a long slow blink he attempted to appraise the situation. Ben had kissed him. Riley tried to voice his thoughts but faltered each time. This was the same person who pushed him away, repulsed by their intimacy. Now Ben had his mouth flush to his. The need to say something made Riley open his mouth and he found his breath sucked dry as the kiss deepened. A half-sigh half-moan welled in his throat.

The shifting of their bodies as Ben drew him in so he was nearly on his lap brought Riley back to awareness. He pulled back slightly, the kiss stilling. Ben tilted his head, studying him quizzically. “What made you change your mind?” Riley asked. His cheeks were slightly rosy but they wilted at the silence that followed. His mouth tensed as the seconds dragged on. “Say something! Tell me to leave or tell me this is another regret but-”

“No! No to both,” Ben interrupted as he sat Riley down despite his efforts to get free. Riley made a face of annoyance, pouting as Ben’s amused face came into focus. “You didn’t give me much time to answer.”

“Considering the last time we saw one another can you blame me?” Riley asked as he tried to put some distance between them. His efforts weren’t doing all that well so with a huff he turned his head away. “Telling me you were ashamed of me and what we did doesn’t really paint a pretty relationship. Then you kiss me!”

“Riley, I was ashamed of myself, not you.”

Riley made a face. “It would have been nice if you told me that.”

“I tried but you were ignoring me,” Ben pointed out. Riley held his head firm as Ben tried to face one another properly. “I thought you said you were done with ignoring me.”

Riley snapped further back as Ben threw his words back at him. “You left me messages about coming back for the job! You didn’t say a thing about wanting me back – you were more concerned about the Declaration. Yeah, you really wanted me back,” he drawled angrily.

“Okay, so that was bad form of mine. You know how much I want this treasure to remain safe.” Riley felt his hand being loosely clasped, slowly turned up and curved into a cupped shape. The ministrations were slow, complimenting the soothing tones Ben was using. “I don’t want it to fall into Ian’s hands.”

Through half-lidded eyes Riley tried to envision the friendship he and Ben used to have, if he could even call it that. Was he only the method to Ben’s dream? He wanted Ben since they first met and to think that he might have been used hurt deeper then he ever thought possible. “And you don’t know how much I’ve wanted you,” Riley said. His voice was slightly muffled by his shoulder. Ben caught his chin with his fingers, gently twisting his face forward till their eyes met. “I can deal with being friends but I want more, without shame or regrets.”

“With me?” Ben asked. He released his chin, letting his fingers drift over Riley’s jaw and down his neck.

“You’re the only one in this room – yes you.” It took a whole lot of strength to keep his chin up and not lower his gaze again. In the back of his mind Riley tried to remember the last time he cried. Going off the fact that he couldn’t recall the occasion it had to have been a long time ago. He felt like he just might start now, his eyes stinging with dejection.

“I’m sorry,” Ben apologised, cupping Riley’s neck. His body stiffened under the touch and this time he knew that his eyes were watering, it was just a matter of time until the tears spilled now that he was being officially rejected. Ben could sense the defeat and rushed his words. “No! That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry that I didn’t know. I was too busy to see it but I should have seen it. I… Riley, I..”

Blinking his eyes in time with a quiet sigh Riley lifted up, the hand that was holding onto his falling free. Ben rose with him, his hand still staying on his neck. “This is why I never should have said anything. This is why I should have kept ignoring you. At least that way I could pretend that things were better then they really were.” He started to shake his head but stopped just a fraction of the way into it. “I’ll pick up my things tomorrow and get ready for the gala but I’m heading out.”

“No you’re not,” Ben said firmly as he tightened his hand around Riley’s neck. Riley tried to tug away but Ben was not letting go of him. “I screwed up once when you left me and I’m not going to do it again.”

“I left you?! There was nothing between us to leave,” Riley retorted as he continued his struggles. He grabbed the hand that was on his neck, trying to pry the fingers away but they stayed strong. “Look, we both screwed up and by the looks of it we’re still screwing it up so why don’t we just call the whole thing off?”

Ben sank suddenly onto to the couch, gravity and his hand pulling Riley on top of him. His last word trailed unheard from his lips and before he could ask just what the hell Ben was doing he found himself on the receiving end of a bruising kiss. With Ben’s other arm wrapped possessively around him Riley had no where to go but still he struggled. His hormones were yelling at him to stop and take advantage of the situation. Enough direction was put into the struggling through Ben’s arms and soon Riley found himself pinned fully to the couch, Ben’s hands holding him down and his tongue doing dirty but very addictive things to his mouth.

“I would rather like the whole thing on,” Ben finally said when he pulled his head back.

With a breathless whine of protest Riley looked up, eyes wild and his body craving the dominance once again. “On is good,” he agreed, trying to pull Ben closer back down.

“Are you sure about that?” Those words could have been innocent were it not for the arch of Ben’s eyebrows and the way he snaked his hand under Riley’s shirt, hiking it up to reveal the pale skin stretched over his ribs.

Riley squirmed as a soft but non-ticklish touch was placed over his stomach. It drifted higher up, past slender waist and chest. “You’ve made me change my mind,” he replied, his voice catching as fingertips pressed tight into his collarbone.

“Are you staying?” Ben asked. He kept his hands firm, not pulling Riley’s shirt off until he got the answer. Being more prompt with responses then the older man Riley nodded right away, almost violently. Ben chuckled before he lowered himself down again, his lips millimetres away from Riley’s. “Once you say yes I’m not letting you go, ever. I was stupid to think that I didn’t want you. I want you, Riley.”

Maintaining his sanity while his hormones were kicking and screaming was a challenge but somewhere Riley found the ability. Taking a deep breath that made his chest rise he held Ben’s gaze as he reached for Ben’s free hand. “Yes, I’ll stay.”