Offering for Crack Challenge
Feb. 22nd, 2008 09:55 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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treasure_geeksTitle: Woah!!!
Author: horriblematzo
Rating: pg/ pg-13
Summary: The trio go international as they try to find an ancient Chinese temple...Sorta.
Pairing(s): Riley/Ben, Abigail/your choice!!!
Warnings: Cracky mccrackface. also, really short and has way too much dialogue
Word Count: I dunno. You wanna count for me?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the butchering of the English language.
Crossover: NT/Da Vinci Code (don't need to know anything about the Da Vinci code though. Don't worry)
Author's note: Am I the only one who thinks the Da Vinci Code and National Treasure totally happens in the same universe? Whoo, my writing totally sucks at the moment (very tired) but oh well. Enjoy. Or not.
“Remember when I made that joke about the pope? I wasn’t SERIOUS.” Riley grumbled as he reluctantly followed Ben and Abigail as his own ingenious (of course) device opened the door to the Pope’s...um...house while disabling the security cameras, releasing a sleeping gas on all the guards, and kidnapping a cardinal.
“I mean,come on, this is ridiculous! Stealing the keys to the popemobile? What does that have to do with anything? We’re trying to find the lost temple of Empress Wu! What does the pope’s car have to do with anything like an ancient Chinese temple?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, SHUT UP.” Abigail said as quietly and vehemently as she could as they sneaked through the bejeweled walls of the house.
“Anyway, Riley, the connections really quite obvious. You see, is in the popemobile’s glove compartment is a map. On the map it will lead us to a man who’s code name is Cabaret. Cabaret is the official secret keeper for the pope. He can give us the information we need.” They changed directions, went three feet, and stopped.
“...Why does the pope have an official secret keeper named Cabaret?”
“You know Riley, you could’ve picked a better time to voice your concerns, like when we weren’t standing right in front of the pope’s room.”
“He has a point.” said Abigail. Although for the last two adventures she had been the most skeptical, she had decided, eh, what the heck, and decided to trust Ben and his crazy adventures.
“Aw, thanks Abby.” Riley beamed.
“I was talking about Ben. This is really bad timing, Riley. Couldn’t you had just told us these things back home? Or on the plane? Or in the car? Or in the hotel? Or that vacation in the Caribbean we took to plan out the mission.”
“Hey, I was having relationship problems!”
“...With Ben, who managed to come up with the whole plan while arguing with you about who forgot to put the top back of the peanut butter jar.” The blonde and gorgeous museum coordinator who had teams of middle-aged men vying for her attention pointed out.
“Wait,” Ben interrupted, “Riley and I discussed that in private. How did you know about that?”
“I read it in Riley’s blog.”
“How did you find my-hey, who are those people?”
“What?” Ben and Abigail said simultaneously and spun around. About a foot away from them was a guy who looked like Tom Hanks and a woman with dark hair. They looked as stun to see them and our favorite trio were to see them.
“Who the hell are you?” The dark haired lady hissed with a very French accent.
“Oh,it’s OK to talk loud. The pope doesn’t have his ear-aide in.” said Riley, who then clapped his hands right in front of the pope’s ears.
“Whatever. Anyway, we are look for the Templar’s treasure. It could prove for once and for all Mary Magdalene was married to Jesus Christ and had a kid with him!” The man who had a very similar appearance to Tom Hanks said.
“Where the heck have you been? We discovered that, like, a hundred years ago!” Riley rolled his eyes.
“He’s right, it was all over the news, although it was more like only two years ago.” Abigail said.
“Excuse me, but are you European by any chance?” The woman with the French accent asked.
“I am, actually.”
“Oh! Let’s go have a long conversation about Europe!”
“Ok!” and they went off,gabbing about architecture and food and other stereotypical European things.
“Huh.” said Ben.
“Yeah.” shuffled Riley.
“Uh huh...” Tom Hanks guy said as he looked down at his feet. The awkward silence continued until Abigail and French lady returned, laughing and swapping email addresses.
“Well, sorry for this bit of trouble. We’ll pay more attention to mass media next time. Come on, Robert.” Said French lady as she pulled Robert out by the sleeve.
“Don’t worry about it! Have a good night Sophia!” Abigail said as she waved. When she was done she turned to Riley and Ben.
“Well, she was nice. A little crazier about conspiracy theories then us, and that's saying something. Now, about the... What are we looking for again?” asked Abigail. She looked around the room to try to regain her memory.
“Now that you mention it, I forgot.” said Ben, scratching his head.
“Me too.” Riley said.
“Well, might as well go home and enjoy our millions.” Ben shrugged.
“Right, and I got a hot date with Ian/Sadusky/Patrick” pointed out Abigail.
If you picked Ian Howe...
“WHHAAAAA????” Shouted Ben and Riley.
“Well, it’s more like a prison-date, I guess. I had some questions for him, and well, his charming accent was to much.” She brushed off their yelps and protests.
“Anyway, come on. Let’s get out of here.”
If you picked Agent Sadusky...
“WHAT? He’s about a million years old!” Riley protested.
“So? I dated Ben, and you are too currently, and he’s about a billion!”
“More like a trillion!”
“Or gazillion! He’s so balding.”
“Yeah, have you ever seen his magical hair growing jells and stuff? There’s a billion of those little tubes and stuff.”
“Ahem,” grunted Ben, “Let’s just go.”
If you picked Patrick Gates...
You have problems, but heres how it would go...
"WHAT?" Screamed Ben.
"What can I say? We're crazy about each other. We're gonna get married in July.
"Wait, so you'll be Ben's stepmother?" questioned Riley.
"I guess I would..."
"That would sooo make a good sitcom."
"I hate you all. I'm going." growled Ben.
And so our favorite treasure protector’s left the Vatican and went to Italy, where they squandered all their money on ‘authentic Italian’ pasta and wine that the shop keepers bought at Walmart. The end. Oh, and Ben and Riley made out and had a total nc-17 moment. I’ll let you imagine it, cause I don't feel like writing it. The end.
Author: horriblematzo
Rating: pg/ pg-13
Summary: The trio go international as they try to find an ancient Chinese temple...Sorta.
Pairing(s): Riley/Ben, Abigail/your choice!!!
Warnings: Cracky mccrackface. also, really short and has way too much dialogue
Word Count: I dunno. You wanna count for me?
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the butchering of the English language.
Crossover: NT/Da Vinci Code (don't need to know anything about the Da Vinci code though. Don't worry)
Author's note: Am I the only one who thinks the Da Vinci Code and National Treasure totally happens in the same universe? Whoo, my writing totally sucks at the moment (very tired) but oh well. Enjoy. Or not.
“Remember when I made that joke about the pope? I wasn’t SERIOUS.” Riley grumbled as he reluctantly followed Ben and Abigail as his own ingenious (of course) device opened the door to the Pope’s...um...house while disabling the security cameras, releasing a sleeping gas on all the guards, and kidnapping a cardinal.
“I mean,come on, this is ridiculous! Stealing the keys to the popemobile? What does that have to do with anything? We’re trying to find the lost temple of Empress Wu! What does the pope’s car have to do with anything like an ancient Chinese temple?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, SHUT UP.” Abigail said as quietly and vehemently as she could as they sneaked through the bejeweled walls of the house.
“Anyway, Riley, the connections really quite obvious. You see, is in the popemobile’s glove compartment is a map. On the map it will lead us to a man who’s code name is Cabaret. Cabaret is the official secret keeper for the pope. He can give us the information we need.” They changed directions, went three feet, and stopped.
“...Why does the pope have an official secret keeper named Cabaret?”
“You know Riley, you could’ve picked a better time to voice your concerns, like when we weren’t standing right in front of the pope’s room.”
“He has a point.” said Abigail. Although for the last two adventures she had been the most skeptical, she had decided, eh, what the heck, and decided to trust Ben and his crazy adventures.
“Aw, thanks Abby.” Riley beamed.
“I was talking about Ben. This is really bad timing, Riley. Couldn’t you had just told us these things back home? Or on the plane? Or in the car? Or in the hotel? Or that vacation in the Caribbean we took to plan out the mission.”
“Hey, I was having relationship problems!”
“...With Ben, who managed to come up with the whole plan while arguing with you about who forgot to put the top back of the peanut butter jar.” The blonde and gorgeous museum coordinator who had teams of middle-aged men vying for her attention pointed out.
“Wait,” Ben interrupted, “Riley and I discussed that in private. How did you know about that?”
“I read it in Riley’s blog.”
“How did you find my-hey, who are those people?”
“What?” Ben and Abigail said simultaneously and spun around. About a foot away from them was a guy who looked like Tom Hanks and a woman with dark hair. They looked as stun to see them and our favorite trio were to see them.
“Who the hell are you?” The dark haired lady hissed with a very French accent.
“Oh,it’s OK to talk loud. The pope doesn’t have his ear-aide in.” said Riley, who then clapped his hands right in front of the pope’s ears.
“Whatever. Anyway, we are look for the Templar’s treasure. It could prove for once and for all Mary Magdalene was married to Jesus Christ and had a kid with him!” The man who had a very similar appearance to Tom Hanks said.
“Where the heck have you been? We discovered that, like, a hundred years ago!” Riley rolled his eyes.
“He’s right, it was all over the news, although it was more like only two years ago.” Abigail said.
“Excuse me, but are you European by any chance?” The woman with the French accent asked.
“I am, actually.”
“Oh! Let’s go have a long conversation about Europe!”
“Ok!” and they went off,gabbing about architecture and food and other stereotypical European things.
“Huh.” said Ben.
“Yeah.” shuffled Riley.
“Uh huh...” Tom Hanks guy said as he looked down at his feet. The awkward silence continued until Abigail and French lady returned, laughing and swapping email addresses.
“Well, sorry for this bit of trouble. We’ll pay more attention to mass media next time. Come on, Robert.” Said French lady as she pulled Robert out by the sleeve.
“Don’t worry about it! Have a good night Sophia!” Abigail said as she waved. When she was done she turned to Riley and Ben.
“Well, she was nice. A little crazier about conspiracy theories then us, and that's saying something. Now, about the... What are we looking for again?” asked Abigail. She looked around the room to try to regain her memory.
“Now that you mention it, I forgot.” said Ben, scratching his head.
“Me too.” Riley said.
“Well, might as well go home and enjoy our millions.” Ben shrugged.
“Right, and I got a hot date with Ian/Sadusky/Patrick” pointed out Abigail.
If you picked Ian Howe...
“WHHAAAAA????” Shouted Ben and Riley.
“Well, it’s more like a prison-date, I guess. I had some questions for him, and well, his charming accent was to much.” She brushed off their yelps and protests.
“Anyway, come on. Let’s get out of here.”
If you picked Agent Sadusky...
“WHAT? He’s about a million years old!” Riley protested.
“So? I dated Ben, and you are too currently, and he’s about a billion!”
“More like a trillion!”
“Or gazillion! He’s so balding.”
“Yeah, have you ever seen his magical hair growing jells and stuff? There’s a billion of those little tubes and stuff.”
“Ahem,” grunted Ben, “Let’s just go.”
If you picked Patrick Gates...
You have problems, but heres how it would go...
"WHAT?" Screamed Ben.
"What can I say? We're crazy about each other. We're gonna get married in July.
"Wait, so you'll be Ben's stepmother?" questioned Riley.
"I guess I would..."
"That would sooo make a good sitcom."
"I hate you all. I'm going." growled Ben.
And so our favorite treasure protector’s left the Vatican and went to Italy, where they squandered all their money on ‘authentic Italian’ pasta and wine that the shop keepers bought at Walmart. The end. Oh, and Ben and Riley made out and had a total nc-17 moment. I’ll let you imagine it, cause I don't feel like writing it. The end.
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